Magic Pants: The Key to Solving Childhood Obesity
Happy Friday, Nerd Herd! It’s been a challenging month here in the Fitness Nerd Cave, but I was allowed to take my sling off yesterday. Yay! Despite a non-existant bicep and an achy trap, I’m back on the keyboard and high on life (a welcome alternative to Percocet).
Contrary to what friends and family assured me, it appears that Western civilization has become completely unhinged without my gentle, hilarious guidance. Here’s a break down.
First, America’s youth continued to get more out-of-shape. Here in California, only 31% of kids were able to pass the California Department of Education’s statewide physical fitness tests. A little more detail from the Los Angeles Times:
(By the way, what’s with the term “curl-up”? Is that the new politically correct way to say sit-up? If we rename the exercise, does that mean they’ll no longer blow out your neck if you do them wrong?)
Regardless of how you crunch numbers (or your abs), here’s where I think the problem lies:
Apparently, the solution to this problem is entirely too obvious for Americans to wrap their heads around, so instead of making kids exercise as part of the War on Obesity, we get weird science like this:
You may think that sound cool, but it inevitably leads to crap like this notion from one of the researchers:
Seriously? You want something that influences metabolism? How about physical education? How about teaching kids the value of exercise? What’s with our society’s constant drive to find work-arounds for fitness and healthy eating?
See what I’m talking about? The Fitness Nerd goes up on the racks for a few weeks and humankind loses all perspective. The only ones who seem to be able to get along without my help are the Japanese, who managed to spend November simultaneously making it illegal to get fat and inventing magic, fat-burning pants.
(Although, based in this video, they could use a few pointers on doin’ the Robot.)
childhood obesity, exercise, japan, pants
So they have to dance like that for an hour and a half a day for 7 days and then something about 500 mL of beer?
How can that ad not be from the 80s?