It’s been a dandy week for studies and news articles about obesity, exercise, and the absurd ways we as a species try to avoid the former while side-stepping the latter. Behold this blog post from Consumer Reports Health talking about two new non-surgical fat zappers:
Zeltiq, a thermal cooling device that is already approved to minimize pain and injury during laser and dermatological treatments, is now approved to freeze fat cells under the skin, causing them to dissolve over ensuing months. The other newly approved device, Zerona, zaps fat cells with a low-level laser, causing them to empty during the weeks following the procedure.
Apparently, both devices were named by Dr. Ronald Chevalier from Gentlemen Broncos.
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And that’s the only thing I like about either of them. According to the Consumer Reports blog, “The manufacturers say they are designed primarily for people of normal weight who have nagging love handles or tummy fat,” but do you really think that’s how it’s going to play out? Why go for a run or cut back on the Red Velvet Death cake when you can sit on an icepack and the fat will literally melt away? Screw your blood sugar levels and cardiovascular system, right?
Of course, there is another option. As it turns out, British researchers have determined that exercise can actually offset obesity-linked genes, so you could always try that. From the Los Angeles Times:
“The message from this is, if you have a genetic predisposition for some things, you can change your lifestyle and contribute to better health,” he said.
Change your lifestyle? Who’d want to do that? They wouldn’t be able to aim the fat-zapping laser properly if you were jumping around or whatever. Fools. Apparently, they know not the knowledge of The Real Fitness Nerdanous.exercise, gentlemen broncos, obesity