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Lasers are the new push-ups

by Denis Faye | September 17, 2010

It’s been a dandy week for studies and news articles about obesity, exercise, and the absurd ways we as a species try to avoid the former while side-stepping the latter. Behold this blog post from Consumer Reports Health talking about two new non-surgical fat zappers:

Zeltiq, a thermal cooling device that is already approved to minimize pain and injury during laser and dermatological treatments, is now approved to freeze fat cells under the skin, causing them to dissolve over ensuing months. The other newly approved device, Zerona, zaps fat cells with a low-level laser, causing them to empty during the weeks following the procedure.

Apparently, both devices were named by Dr. Ronald Chevalier from Gentlemen Broncos.

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And that’s the only thing I like about either of them. According to the Consumer Reports blog, “The manufacturers say they are designed primarily for people of normal weight who have nagging love handles or tummy fat,” but do you really think that’s how it’s going to play out? Why go for a run or cut back on the Red Velvet Death cake when you can sit on an icepack and the fat will literally melt away? Screw your blood sugar levels and cardiovascular system, right?

Of course, there is another option. As it turns out, British researchers have determined that exercise can actually offset obesity-linked genes, so you could always try that. From the Los Angeles Times:

Gil Atzmon, a geneticist at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in the Bronx, N.Y., said the findings underscore that DNA doesn’t necessarily mean destiny.

“The message from this is, if you have a genetic predisposition for some things, you can change your lifestyle and contribute to better health,” he said.

Change your lifestyle? Who’d want to do that? They wouldn’t be able to aim the fat-zapping laser properly if you were jumping around or whatever. Fools. Apparently, they know not the knowledge of The Real Fitness Nerdanous.

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4 thoughts on “Lasers are the new push-ups

  1. screwdestiny

    What the fizzuck? I have some damn stubborn saddle bags and inner thigh fat, but I’m going to work it off and clean up my diet or be stuck with it. Those should be the only options. People are freaking ridiculous nowadays…

    Reply
  2. Anonymous

    I was wondering when you’d comment on this bit of ridiculousness (my word of the day). So, “Zeltiq grabs onto love handles and belly pouches and freezes the fat cells inside, causing them to self-destruct over several months. Zerona is a low-level laser that rotates around the waist, hips and thighs, forcing the fat cells to empty in a matter of weeks. . . . The fat is reabsorbed by the body.” Ummm . . . so I wonder what freaky side-effects are going to crop up later on due to the reabsorption of these destructed fat cells (Zeltiq) or the fat that is “released” from the cells (Zerona)?

    Check out this September 14 WSJ article, entitled “Freeze! Zap! Bye Bye, Fat”: http://online.wsj.com/article/health_journal.html

    Note: “Eliminating fat cells without also eating less or exercising more may make fat crop up elsewhere and ultimately do more harm than good.”

    But, do you really think people are going to listen/heed that word of warning? Me thinks not.

    /michm

    Reply
  3. David

    Modified Push Ups -As I read your blog post, I couldn’t help but think of the Push Up Bench as the most effective way for people who struggle with push ups , to be able to do them correctly (with full range of motion). Most modified push ups make them easier but only allow one or two variations. The Push Up Bench has 11 different levels to work through on the way to a full push up.

    Reply
  4. Garick Chan

    I just saw this and had to comment. Really, just to echo the previous comments and add a bit more…it’s a bit silly how “creative” people are getting in pursuing business opportunities regarding our health. You look at how other cultures are aging well and staying healthy with far fewer incidences of disease than Americans, and you can figure out easily that it’s not fancy exercises or equipment that we need, but just simple, frequent cardio and a balanced diet. Just need to get back to basics with enough conviction and discipline.

    Reply

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